Mystification, Motivation, Reorientation, Extermination

Dear Blog,

These past few weeks, my moods have shifted. One day (or even part of a day), I feel like I'm awesome. So awesome, intelligent, witty and clever, attractive, and friendly that I can't help but smile and treat that day accordingly (by being awesome, etc.). Then other days (or parts of days) I feel like I'm completely worthless. I am a huge, awkward dork, I'm wrong in classes, I'm not cute, and I'm not sure people even want to talk to me. Days like those end in my silently sitting in my room, trying to accomplish a task and kicking myself when I think I'm doing it wrong.

During my interview on Monday night for Phi Sigma Pi, I felt amazing. A great group of people were asking my questions, to which I gave witty, charming, intelligent, and comprehensive answers. I had a great time and felt that I did well. But that night, I felt so down. I'd just accomplished and amazing feat of social interaction and I felt like I wanted to stay in bed and cry. Why? No idea. Maybe I'm still growing and my body is constantly in flux? If so, I wish it would normalize soon. I recognize my silly feelings when I want to lock myself in my room, yet can't change my attitude. I feel like I can't control my emotions very well. And that, of course, isn't a pleasant thought.

Blog, I need a distraction and some serious motivation. My new Halo game has helped a lot in the realm of distraction. I am focused on the game, and I don't acknowledge the worries on my mind. But I need some sort of driving force to get me to do things. I feel like I have so many obligations and commitments to tend to, and only enough power to meet half of my goals for the day. I am juggling one too many balls and I need to slow time down and regain my balance.

I hope that tomorrow will present a chance for me to hit pause, find my footing, and play on the rest of the day. I have a lot to do. I promised to do it. And I will. I just need to focus my energies into productive means. I hate to prioritize my life, but starting tomorrow, I need to focus on school and especially focus on RA commitments. If I can get school and RA duties done or at least tended to for a while, I can redirect my productivity into relationships (friendships included) and activities for Daniel (Halo/Civ5).

Well, I'm off to bed. I hope I'm not called tonight for a lock-out or anything.

Until next time,
-Daniel Golden

P.S. Picture is unrelated (I might add picture to every blog now, copying Victoria's style) and title of blog (Mystification, Motivation, Reorientation, Extermination) is related, except for the last word. Just reminds me of Daleks from Doctor Who.