Faith

Dear Blog,

I was asked by a friend a simple question. She asked "What do you believe in, Daniel?" And I didn't have the right words to say. Half of me wanted to say "I Believe in Harvey Dent," and move on, but this conversation felt like it would have far greater potential if I was as honest as I could be with her. She wasn't a college student who felt like she had all the answers. She wasn't going to correct me. She was grounded and she was willing to listen. So we talked.

Publicity wallpaper for the movie The Dark Knight.

Now the answer to that question would have been easy to answer a few months ago. I thought it was clear then. But my faith has recently been in the forefront of my mind, under some reevaluation and re-configuring. I felt a need to reexamine it. My appendicitis wasn't bad at all, and thanks to modern medicine, was hardly a threat at all. But the potential it held to devastate me was still there.

In the following days of healing, I thought to myself how things might have been if things didn't go as well as they did. How would my funeral play out? Would people even know what my wishes would be? How would my parents treat my remains? Did I even have my own opinions on such matters? So I thought for a long while. What I wanted, what I needed. What felt silly and what felt right.
Those ideas transitioned into thinking about my faith. What did I believe in? What did I hold true? What resonated within me? And what did I not subscribe to?
It's never an easy question to answer. And I doubt I could accurately convey the intricacies of faith in my blog (not because it's extremely complicated, but my faith evolves and I don't know if I can ever pin it down). But now I feel like this is something I should do.

The Thinker by Rodin

I guess to begin, I don't like the rituals of religion. Stated simply, I like the idea that my fraternity stands by. That continuing a practice purely for the sake of tradition is the poorest reason for doing so. I feel like a portion of religious ceremonies are tradition and continued on that basis alone. A sort of "we've always done it like this so we will always do it like this." Not all ceremonies are like that, I realize. Some have a rationale behind it. But the institution of religion largely conveys a ritualistic stance in regards to worship and practicing one's faith. So on the whole, I don't like religion. I don't hate it, I don't think it should be abolished. But it's not my cup of tea.

On that note, The Holy Bible is not a book that I've read completely or a book I feel contains the direct word of God. There are a lot of books that claim to have divine influence. I don't think any of them should be discarded. They are valid works of literature. And it's got some good ideas in them. For example, the Bible says that you shouldn't murder people and don't steal stuff. Makes sense to me. But it's got some bad ones, too. The rules for owning people (slavery) doesn't appeal to me at all and there is a lot of killing ordered by God. I can see the father-like qualities of "do as I say, not as I do." My dad smokes and tells me that I shouldn't. I understand that. But if my dad told me not to kill people and then turns around and fired a few rounds into my neighbors' heads and told me to then loot their house, I'd be less likely to respect him. I understand that it was written at a time different from our own, but that harsh contradictory element makes me shy away from viewing the Bible as a source for spiritual enlightenment.
I don't think negatively of those who use the Bible as a source for enlightenment, though. Like I said, it has merit as a great work of literature. Those who study the Bible outside of the academic realm and use it as a guideline for spiritual growth find comfort in it and that isn't a false feeling predicated on a flawed book. It's a awakening sparked by a series of writings with which they personally interrupt. I don't use the Bible, but that doesn't lessen the impact it has.

Not the only source for enlightenment, nor is it my source.

But I do believe in a soul. I believe the mankind is so wonderful. And by extension, I believe in God. Mankind has been blessed by God with a soul. Kinda.

We evolved into the creatures of reason that we are today by natural selection over incredible amounts of time. Slowly, from simple mammals to space-faring marvels of biology, we grew. And through a bit of poetry, the moment that we gained that penchant for reason is the moment we could envision the concept of God. Perhaps that's the way He likes it?
Because there is more to us than what we're made of. Classic "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" way of thinking. The twelve particles of matter make the atoms that make the elements that make the components that make the physical man. The four forces of nature affect us constantly, including the electromagnetic force of nature which allows for the functions of our central nervous system, including the brain.
But there is that intangible, immeasurable, ungraspable soul of men. That untouchable pool from where we can draw from to create the grandest scores for orchestras, to paint frescas that adorn walls worldwide, to plan the sublime architecture in every city, to write the millions of stories we love. That source from where we feel the sharpest pain over the loss of a loved one or the crush of relationship gone awry. The same place that we have the greatest capacity for love unseen on this planet before. Mankind has done awe-inspiring things. Mankind has plans for even greater things. And I feel that we've done it on our own.
I believe that from our soul spurs the compassion, cruelty, and ingenuity of mankind. And God set the universe into motion and hasn't hindered our progress of evolution into beings of astounding power. I don't think He pointed to man and said "Eh, sure, those guys can have souls now." But the existence of that inert capacity to go beyond being fantastic biological machines and to have that soul to evades any sort of scientific classification shows me that there is something else in this universe beyond those twelve particles of matter and four forces of nature. And that something else is God.

Are souls limited to mankind? Do animals have them? Computers? So many questions that stem from the notion that makes answering the initial question so difficult.

It's hard to define God, though. I don't pray to God. I don't think God can respond to prayers. Well, He could, but He doesn't. I'm sure He can hear them. But He doesn't have a place to react. I like to think to myself that God caused the red light to appear just as my favorite song starts to play on the radio, allowing me to enjoy it in its entity.
But I feel like God is beyond that. More than an omnipotent man in the sky considering to attend to the requests of a prayer, but an entity so vast that He becomes pervasive in everything, like gravity. An additional force of nature. The potential for change is there, but His awareness that tipping one domino over would lead to the collapse of the detailed universe He created would be a main deterrent for intervention. If He actually created the universe, that is, instead of just exploding into reality like everything else did during the Big Bang. The universe, by definition, contains everything, so it'd include God. He isn't outside of the universe, He's a part of it. Perhaps He is just flowing along with everything else. He governs the laws of that spiritual part of man, I guess. I honestly don't know because I'm not God.

Luke's Lesson by Jacob A. Pfeiffer
An illustration of the Force, an invisible but binding force in the Star Wars universe.

I know that I'm writing about God using the conventions of the King James Bible, capitalizing God and references to Him. I don't think I would interrupt that as how I view God, but more so it is in line with the poetic aspect of discussing God. The classic method, so to speak.
Because faith is an abstraction. And abstractions are beautiful and brilliant. They aren't things you can point to. And neither is God. They are all just past the physical. And that beauty is poetry in my eyes.
And I guess I should add that references to the human species as "man" and "mankind" derive from the classical poetic approach and not a sexist point of view.

Just a point of clarification.

Now the next step in this voyage of self discovery is how I would in the event of my death. What would want? To be honest, I won't be at my funeral. At least, not in any way that would matter. So I'd hope whoever takes charge on my funeral preparations would accommodate to the needs of those in attendance, not to me. Of course, the circumstance of my death would be a factor when choosing how to display my remains. A gruesome mauling by a bear wouldn't lend itself well to an open casket funeral, but if I died in my sleep without any grotesque aftereffects, I wouldn't mind being dolled up a bit for the show. If science wants my body before I'm buried away, they can use it.
As for a burial, as I said, whatever is best for those in attendance. I think a grave in a graveyard would take up precious space on this Earth, but it would provide a somewhat picturesque landscape for anyone wanting to visit. Cremation would save space (and allows for my ashes to possible to scattered in outer space), but I don't know if visiting a pot of ashes has the same effect for people as those visiting a tombstone. Ultimately I think I'll leave it up to whoever will be visiting me the most, if anyone will at all.
In the end, death signals the separation of the soul from the physical realm. Where does it go? No idea. I like to think it's how people come closer to God. We join in on that fifth force of the universe, so to speak. Perhaps it is peaceful. I like to think the soul we have is eternal. It doesn't take up space in the cosmos, so it is permitted to stay after death.

"Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not." Jedi Master Yoda

I'm not sure what else to add on the subject. I'll write another entry to address questions. Though I'm not sure if I'll have any answers. I'll leave you with a fun clip, so as not to feel like this entry was "too deep" or anything.

Until next time!
-Daniel Golden